“Forget Paris …”

I do admit to finding it more than a little bit puzzling when people tell me that they, “Don´t believe“, in marriage.

Usually  it is said by folk who have been married before and have been badly hurt, quite understandably walling themselves off , attributing their pain and anguish to this “thing”, this supposed entity, this “institution” called “marriage”, instead of  making admittedly really hard, cuttingly brave and deep explorations of themselves and their relationships.

Hey, say? For example. You went to Paris once. Or it could have been Rome? Or Scarborough. Eastbourne. Had a bad time, perhaps you didn´t go with the right person for you at that time.   Had you thought that maybe you were not the right person for them, at that time. Just askin´. Sad but true. Or maybe you were not feeling very well.  Overindulged on the old moules marinière maybe? Arrrgh. Maybe you were not secure and happy and settled in yourself or had a lot of negativity in your life. Or, had it occurred to you, that the other person  was going through some fearful trauma or emotional pain? Mum had just died after all. Or maybe, it was nothing more nor less than the fact that the weather was just unseasonably awful with lots of storms and you got rained on all the time? Or, brace yourself, perhaps you did not actually love each other. You did not actually love each other. Nothing much to do with Paris actually. However, “That´s it,” you might say. Very firmly. Eminently reasonably. “I don´t like Paris.  Paris is horrible! I went there once and had a really bad time. It´s not for me! I am  never going near Paris again.”

Could I – very, very gently – suggest, isn´t saying you, “Don´t believe”,  in marriage a little bit like saying you don´t believe in Paris?*

*PS BTW.  I have v. good news!  Paris does exist, of course, and – who knows! – you might just find it is worth the journey, worthy of your courage and faith and the effort of getting there.  Find it  a wonder, a  glory and a delight!

PPS Just a word of advice though, if I may. Next time, go easy on the moules marinière. Just sayin¨.